German Gesse. Janaiqai

Gesse German (Emil Sinkler) Giiom (Vilgelm) Apollinerdei "Ulylardyń aspanyna oq atpady".  

"Tús - týǵanyńnan búgingińe deiin, Gomerden Genrix Mannǵa, Japoniiadan Gibraltarǵa, Siriýstan Jerge, Qyzyl Telpekten Bergsonǵa deiingi janyńnyń tutas álemine (úlken de, kishi de emes) úńiltetin sańylaý". Bul - jer basyp júrgenderdiń barlyǵy mán-mańyzyn uǵýǵa talpynatyn qubylysqa bergen anyqtamasy.

Óte zerek ósti. Aleksandar Naýmenkonyń aitýynsha: "Úsh jasynda oqýǵa talaptandy. Bes jasynda tórt jol óleń, on jasynda ápkesi Marýllaǵa arnap "Aǵaiyndylar" atty áńgime jazdy. Jyldar jyljyǵan saiyn kúigelektenýi kóbeiedi. Ata-anasy aparǵan "esersoqtaý" balalar tárbielenetin internatta alǵashqy mahabbatyn kezdestiredi. Gesse qyzdan jeti jasqa kishi. Sezimine jaýap ala almaidy. Birinshi ret óz-ózin óltirýge bel bailaidy. Bundai sheshim qabyldaýy san márte qaitalanǵan. On jeti jasynda shyǵarmashylyqpen erkin ainalysý úshin ákesinen úiden ketýge ruqsat suraidy. Kúnine 10-12 saǵat jumys jasady. On segiz jasynda Tiýbingen ýniversitetiniń tabaldyryǵyn attaidy. Joǵarǵy oqý ornynda ótkizgen ýaqytynda dúniejúziniń ádebieti men filosofiiasynyń teń jartysyn oqyp úlgergenin tilge tiek etedi. Jiyrma bir jasynda "Romantika áýenderi" atty tuńǵysh óleń kitabyn shyǵarady. Osydan soń da kesek-kesek eńbekterin dúniege ákeledi. German kitap saýdasymen ainalysqan Emil Zoliadan keiingi ádebiettegi ekinshi esim."

Ony belletristterdiń týyndylaryn kelesi dáýirge aparatyn jádigerlerdiń illiýstratsiiasy alańdatty. "Nelikten jihazdardy jobalaýmen shuǵyldanatyn, túsqaǵazǵa, úi ábzelderine óń kirgizetin sýretshilerge kitappen ainalyspasqa?!" deidi. "Raritetter" toǵysqan jinaqtardyń sapasyn arttyrýǵa talpynady.

...Paiymdaýynsha, "gazet - kitaptyń qaýipti jaýlarynyń biri".

Tizilgen tomdardyń ekslibrisinen Gioteni kóp kezdestirgeni anyq. Nemis ádebietinen atalmysh tulǵany, sosyn Jan Poldi biik qoidy.

"Adamǵa álemdi tańǵaldyrǵannan ne opa, eger janyn kirletip alar bolsa?!". Kúni-túni mazasyn alǵan myna saýalǵa jaýap tappai qatty ańtarylady. Alaida, ol "júris-turysy men is-áreketiniń durys, ia burystyǵyn ajyratý qolynda emestigine" jáne "adamnyń ólmeitinine" ilandy.

Onyń "Oqymystysy" kim edi?! Alaqany muqaba syrtyn sipaýdan bosamaityn áldebir kemirgish jaily essesindegi bar ǵumyryn oqý-toqýdyń jolynda sarp etken, sarǵysh paraqtardaǵy keiipkerlerdi súiip, jylasa, egilip, qýansa, shattanyp, tereńnen syr shertetin romandarmen, hikaiattarmen ómir súrgenin tatar dámi taýsylarda ǵana túsinip, túńilgen Gesseniń ózi shyǵar deisiń keide... Mańdaiyna buiyrǵan jazý sol ma, álde?!

...Túpsiz qiialǵa berilip, aina aldynda "ainalysyp júrgenderinen túk te shyqpaitynyn bilse de, ańsary aýǵan isimen shuǵyldanýyn toqtatpaityn adam osy emes pe?!" dep óz-ózimen neshe ret sóilesip turdy eken?! "Janyńdy qinaityn qurbandyqtarǵa barý jáne ony baǵalaý arqyly múddemizdi tapqanymyz" ras. "Eshkim eshqashan jazbaǵandy jazamyn". Serti! "Sýretshi ónerge qashý arqyly qoǵamnan qorǵanýǵa mindetti emes". Biraq, negizgi "boryshyn" atqara aldy ma, bilmeimin... "Men jazýshy atandym. Adam bolǵan joqpyn. Jeke basymnyń qalaǵanyna qol jetkizdim. Degenmen, basty maqsatym oryndalmady. Meniń ómirim – tek qana ádebiet". Sońǵy sózi bul...

Al, Óleńniń, Poeziianyń ne ekenin bilgińiz kelse, osy maqalany oqyǵanyńyz jón!     

Janaiqai

 Mekteptegi balaýyz kúnderdiń birinde áldebir óleńdi jamyrasa oqyǵanymyz esimde. Ataýy "Shpekbaherdiń balasy" bolatyn. Jasymyz onda. Keiipker synyp ishin tańdanysqa toltyrǵan shaiqasta jaýyna baǵyttar oǵyn ózgeshe jinaǵanymen qoimai, kóptiń qolynan kelmeitin batyldyǵymen el maqtanyshyna ainalǵan bala týraly odanyń qaharmany edi. Bárimiz tańdandyq. Ustazymyz mysqyldap: "Qalai, jaqsy ma eken?!" dedi. "Iá" - dan basqa túk tabylmady. Muǵalim basyn kóterip, kúlimsirep: "Joq, bul nashar óleń" dedi. Sóziniń jany bar-tuǵyn... Qańǵyǵan qaǵidalar men dáýirimizdiń talǵampazdyǵy turǵysynan paiymy durys. Kórkemdigi de jutań tartady... Tóltýma emes, baǵzydan bar siýjetti qaitalai salǵan shalaǵai. Alaida, oqýshylardyń ón-boiynan tańdanys tarqamady.

Baqandai on jyldy artqa tastadym. Jiyrma birdiń aýyly aǵarańdady. Saǵynyshqa ainalǵan qam-qareketsiz kezimdegi óleńdi kúbirlep, birneshe jolyn sholyp shyqsam-aq... oilanbastan qandai ekenin naqpa-naqtap aitatyn jaǵdaiǵa jettim.

Taǵy da on jyl ótti. Jiǵan-tergenim molaidy. Biraq, baǵa bere alamyn ba?! Kúmánimnyń sup-sur bulty seiilmedi. Maǵan kóbine jas aqyndar jazǵan-syzǵandaryn ákeledi. Jii... Pikirimdi bilýge qumar.  Baspager tabýdy ańsaidy. "Ádebiettiń qyr-syryna qanyq" aldynǵy býyn ókilderiniń betinde balǵyn jyrlar bar paraqty senimsiz sytyrlatqanyna qosa, sapa týraly jarytyp eshteńe aitpaitynyn ańǵaryp árdaiym tańǵalady, kóńili qalady... Al, úlkender áldene deýge umtylmaidy da. Shyndyǵynda, eshqandai "tájiribelilik" joq. Jiyrma jasymdaǵy eki-aq minýtymda sanama qonǵan osy oiǵa sózsiz senimdimin. Al, búgin ózime qiyn. Joq, qiyny qisynsyz, múmkin emes... Onyń ústine, ýaqyt syrǵyǵan saiyn shyńdalamyz dep oiladyq. Ár jerden áńgime qylatyn "ákkilik" shybyndai salmaqsyz. Biraq, "tájiribe" ózimen-ózi kelmeidi. Ana sútimen darymaǵan daryn jazýdy úirený arqyly mektepten bastalady. Qyryq, alpys, álde, júz jyl ómir súrer, sosyn, óledi. Sanaýly ǵumyrynda naǵyz "tájiribeniń" ne ekenin igermei, bilmei ótedi. Talanttyń ózge de túri bar. Men soǵan enem!

Bozbalalyq dáýrenimde óleńniń ózine, sodan soń ony jazǵan aqynǵa degen mahabbatyma súienip, erkin sóileitin edim. Qandai jaqsy! Jariialaýǵa daiyn árbir kitaptyń ishindegi shimai-shatpaqtardy uzaq, tipti, qazirge deiin ynta-yqylasym aýǵan týyndylarmen salystyrdym...   

Birneshe súiikti aqynym bar. Buryn unatqandarym da solardyń qatarynda. Degenmen, keibireýiniń alǵash kóz júgirtkenimde úni janyma jyly tiip, keiin kóńil tórinen ǵaiyp bolatyn óleńderiniń ǵumyry uzaqtyǵyna senbeimin.

Árine, sózim avtor emes, tek "álsiz" óleńder týraly. Erekshe syilaityndarymnan ózgeleri jazǵan dúnielerdiń bir oqyǵan boida-aq orta qol ekeni baiqalyp, tolyqqandy emestigi kórinedi. Qur bosqa ýaqyt qurtqanyma ókinem. Nashar jáne nege nashar ekenin dáleldeýge bilimimniń jetetinin anyq bildim.  Qazir ol senimim joǵalyp, eshbir sebepsiz dúdámal kúige tústim. Qurǵaq, bóten, ish pystyrady. Túisigim qarsy turyp aldy. Mezgili ótkenge ainalǵandai... Áldeqashan tizesi shyqqan. Kimniń qazynasy ekendigi endi esimnen óshti.

Keide kitaptardy paraqtap otyryp, "nashar" óleńderdi qabyldaý óz aldyna, maqtaý kerek bolǵanda, "jaqsy" jáne "ǵajap" kóringender kúmán týǵyzady.

Professormen, sheneýnikpen, esalańmen jaqyn aralassańyz, meniń tatqan sezimimdi bastan keshýlerińiz múmkin. Óitkeni, sheneýnik minsiz, taza adam. Kózińiz jetken. Qudaidyń zańdy perzenti. Uiasyna ornyqqan qoǵamǵa qajet azamat. Professormen de, esalańmen de shekten tys erekshe qarym-qatynasqa tússeńiz, shyndyqtyń múlde basqa, burynǵysyna qarama-qarsy baǵytta ekenin túsinetin sát keledi. Bári qylyqtaryna tózip, jandary ashyǵanmen "jarymes" dep tanityn esalańnan jaily, jeke basyna senimdi baqyttyny, Táńirdi súietin, jeke ómir súrý daǵdysy bar jáne jaratylysyna dán riza jandy kóresiń. Sheneýnik pen professor aianyshty hálde qalady. Kóriksiz, pishini qýyrshaq tektes. Mundai pendeler árkimge bireýden kezdesedi.

"Álsiz" óleńder týraly da dál osyndai oida bolamyn. Kenet jaqsy kórine bastaidy. Qalai ǵana juparlanyp ketkenin ańdamaisyń. Erekshelik, balań shiraqtyq... Qatty baiqalatyn álsizdigin, kemshiligin synap-mineýge qimaisyń. Tabiǵi, taza, tartymdy, tamasha! Al, "ǵajap" óleńderdiń bitim-bolmysy atalǵan qasiettermen salystyrar bolsaq, súreńsiz, bir saryndy.

Ekspressionizm paida bolǵannan soń bizdiń keibir jas aqyndarymyz belgili bir negizge súienip, "jaqsy" jáne "ádemi" óleńderden biik dúnieni ádeii jazbaidy. Olar men ataǵan jyrlar jetkilikti deńgeide jaryqqa shyqty, "ǵajaptardyń" qataryn tolyqtyrýǵa, sosyn "aǵalar" salyp ketken súrleýdi jalǵap, "Kim kimnen asyp túsedi?" oiynyn oinaýǵa týylmadyq, álemde ol úshin júrgen joqpyz dep sanaidy.

Sirá, bul kámil durys. Áserli estiledi. Degenmen, buiyrary tek "nashar" óleń ǵana bolmaq. Onysy qalai?!

Myna máseleniń óńin qashyrǵan túitkil ne?! Óleńniń ómirge kelý jeleýiniń maǵynasy shegine jetken. Báseńdik, shaqyrǵan daýys, aiqai-uiqai, dem, kúbir, zaryqqan júrektiń sózi, áldenege eltigen hál-jaidy seziný, áli jetkenshe aýyr sezimderdi qotarý, jan tolǵanysy... Mundai ádepki, mańyzdy belgilerine eshqandai baǵa almaityn óleńde eń áýeli aqynnyń ózi ǵana bar. Onyń tynysy, daýysy, qiialy, kúlkisi, boiyn delsal qylǵan sátterden býlyǵýy... Túngi tústerdiń estetikalyq qundylyǵyn, aýa qarmaǵan qoldar men jónsiz shaiqalǵan bastardyń, mezgilsiz ymdaý men baǵytsyz júristiń nendei maqsaty baryn joramaldaýdy kim moiynyna ala alady?! Qoldarynyń úlken saýsaǵyn, aiaǵynyń barmaǵyn aýzyna salǵan emshektegi sábi aqyldy is - áreketke barady. Qaýyrsyn qalamynyń ushyn kemirgen avtor sekildi... Álde, quiryǵyn jaiǵan taýys siiaqty. Osylardyń bireýi bir-birinen artyq qimyl jasamaidy. Belgili bir deńgeide durys.

Keide óleń avtordyń sharshaǵany, oidyń jeńildigi arqyly qýantady, ýaiymdatady, eljiretedi. Tek meni emes, halyqty da. Ishtei marqaiasyń. Syrtqy pishini tartymdy. Bul, bálkim, bárine qatysty, barlyǵyn tolǵantatyn nárseni kópke kórsetkisi kelgende bolatyn shyǵar. Biraq,  sondai kezderde ǵana emes...

Osy tusta sheshimi tabylmaǵan ainalym bastalady. "Ádemi" óleńder aqyndy eldiń, buqaranyń súiiktisine ainaldyrady. Al, shyǵarmashylyqtaǵy túnek neden týyndaidy?! Túpki bolmysty umytqannan, ǵalam aldynda, Qudai jolyndaǵy adam aldynda ádemi kóringileri kelgendikten... Ózgeler... tyńdarmandar men oqyrmandar úshin jaralǵan ondai óleńder bidiń qozǵalysynan, jannyń aiqaiynan, ótkendi ańsaýdan alysta... Bar úmiti artylǵan tili múkis eleske arbalý joq. Danyshpannyń júzi, naqurystyń qaiǵy salǵan ájimi emes! Qiialdan ada... Jai ǵana oilap shyǵarylǵan buiym, fabrikat, áleýmetke arnaiy ázirlengen tátti mámpási. Olardy taratyp, satý maqsatymen jasady! Nieti alarmandardyń janyn tynyshtandyryp, demaltý. Jeke saýyq qurýlaryna paidaǵa asý. Zor tabysqa keneledi. Oǵan mahabbatpen qaraýdyń, armanyna arbalýdyń qajeti shamaly. Qinamaidy, solqyldatpaidy... Esesine tym kóńildi. Sulý, birqalypty tolqyndarynda yńǵaily terbetedi.

Bul "ádemi" óleńder óte jaǵymsyz áser qaldyrady. Júrekti kúdikke mataidy. Professor men sheneýnik sekildi sylap-sipalǵan. Qandai da bir sheńberge syiǵan.

...Ádil álemge aýzyń murnyńnan shyqqansha toiyp, kóshedegi úlken shamdardy qiratyp, ǵibadathanany órteýge umtylǵanda áýlie klassikterge deiingi "ǵajaiyptar" tsenzýralanǵan, qalamasań da, qabyldaýǵa bolatyn, ábden áldebir erejege kóngen, óte qarapaiym kórinedi. Endi "nasharlarǵa", "álsizderge" den qoiasyń. Oqýǵa turarlyq birde-bir óleńniń joq ekenine kóziń jetedi, sosyn... Múlde!

Lezde tula boiyńdy túńilý ańdidy. "Nashar" óleńderdi oqýdyń rahaty tym qysqa, aiyzyń tez qanady. Al, nege oqý kerek?! Nelikten árkim ózi-aq "álsiz" óleń jazbaidy? Tyrysyńyz, "nashar" óleńder jazý "ǵajaptardy" oqýǵa qaraǵanda adamdy edáýir baqytqa bóleitinine kózińiz jetedi...

(1918) 

                   Nemis tilinen orysshaǵa aýdarǵan: Aleksandr Naýmenko

                   Orys tilinen aýdarǵan: Marlen Ǵilymhan

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